1. Find Someone You could Love for Who they are-not who they could be.
This is most important. I think both of us, me and my ex, idealized each other. I couldn’t live up to what he was looking for. I realized too, that he wasn’t what I wanted either.
The greatest lie you can tell yourself is that there is no one else. No two people will ever be a completely perfect fit--but, that doesn't mean you should settle. Be honest with yourself about everyone that you date.
I didn’t think I could change my ex. Yet, I saw things in the beginning in the relationship that made me think he wanted to change. He thought the same of me.
Lesson: don’t stay with someone just because of who you think they might be later. That is incredibly dangerous territory. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes a crash and burn to remind you what is right.
2. Find Someone Who Is on the Same Page as You in Regards to Spiritual Matters and the Future.
Spiritually we were not on the same page. His morals did not align with mine. I was so focused on avoiding conflict and keeping the peace that I wouldn’t stand up for what I believed. It led me to allow things I never should have.
Find someone who will encourage your dreams; not someone who will tell you they are pointless or unattainable. Find someone who is willing to go through the journey of life with you. This isn’t to say that hobbies or interests need to be exactly the same. (I want my doll collecting and scrapbooking to be my thing.) Yet, It would be cool to find someone that shares my interest for things like books and the arts.
I also want to say that our ideals for a family didn’t align that well either. There were aspects of having a family that were important to me. He was not interested or didn't agree with them. There were a few things about raising children that would have been a huge issue later.
3. Lastly, Guard Your Heart.
It is so easy to lose your mind with someone you have attraction to. Infatuation can be powerful, as I have found. Whenever the time comes again, I am going to pray that my heart won’t become so enamored by them. I want to be able to give myself as clear a head as possible to make the best decision for both of us.
As Christians, the main relationship we must focus on is our relationship with God. Even when you get the guy, God should always come first.
A true man of God will treat you in the way you should be treated, and love you the way you should be loved. He will pray for you and with you. He will want to praise God with you. He will be eagerly willing to study God’s word with you. He will push you to be the best Christian you can be, as you do the same for Him! (1st Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25)
Next Article: End of Year Thoughts Part Five: Life