Saturday, December 27, 2014

End of Year Thoughts, Part 3: Love

I know I have mentioned a lot about my last relationship. That situation changed me. I realized many things about the situation that I could not see before. As anyone who has been in serious relationships before, you know that you are not the same afterwards.

Here are the things I have learned from the relationship:

1. Every Relationship Serves Its Purpose. 
I recall a conversation I had with a friend of mine at school. I mentioned to them that I wished the relationship had never happened. I felt like it was, in some ways, a waste of time. There are many things I regret, and problems I refused to see. Before I started dating, there were many red flags I told myself I would never allow. I decided I would end the relationship if I found them. I was embarrassed that I didn't.

My friend told me something that really struck me. They said that if you learned something and grew from the situation, then it wasn't all for nothing. As soon as they said that, I was reminded that I needed to keep my perspective positive. I had acknowledged that growth occurred. I allowed the regret of what I didn’t do to be an open wound.

It is all about perspective. If you allow it, your mind can become your biggest enemy. I constantly have to remind myself of this verse: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

2. Be Yourself And Know Who You Are. Know Your Worth.
At the beginning of the relationship, I made the huge mistake of going to extremes to avoid conflict. I gave a tolerant, permissive attitude to things I should not have. Over time, it exhausted me. I became a fake version of myself. When we broke up, I went back to being the way I was before--only more wise.

My advice: Before dating, learn to stand up for yourself and your ideals. This is difficult for me, and something I am constantly working on. You can still be polite and kind while sticking up for yourself. If you can’t be proud of who you are outside of dating, then what makes you think you will be while you're dating? Love yourself enough to hold out for someone who truly loves you.

Don't stay with someone just because they appear to be interested in you.

3. Find Someone Who Appreciates Your Mind For What it Is.
One of the biggest issues between my ex and I is that our thought processes were worlds apart.

I’m constantly analyzing things and trying to find the bigger picture. It is how I understand the world around me. He was the type to take things at face value. That was his way of understanding the world.

Don’t get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with the way he thought. He just could not understand me. He was often asking why I was ‘over-thinking’ everything. I began to suppress that side of myself because I thought something was wrong with me.

Belongs to Walt Disney Company

We just have different ways of looking at the world. If someone just can't 'get' you when you've been together for a decent length of time, it may be a good idea to call it quits

Next Article: Part three, A little More about Love

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