School and socialization has always been a tough thing for
me, as well as other things. Kids would make fun of me a lot when I was little,
or just ignore me. I am extremely clumsy, and am always stumbling over things.
I’m not good at judging distances and measuring things visually. My language
and writing skills are high up above my head, yet my math skills pool into a
horrible mess at my feet.
I am highly sensitive. I do not like touching those cup
holder things from Mc Donald’s. I don’t like eating big chunks of broccoli. If
I run into something, it hurts more than it does for the average person.
My hands aren’t that great. When I was young, it took me
longer than the other kids to learn cursive and to tie my shoes.
It’s other things, such as being one of the last people out
of the classroom trying to get my stuff together. It’s also having trouble
picking up on sarcasm sometimes (I have, however, gotten better with
this-people around me use it a lot).
The big things and the little things all added up to my
life, and something called Non-Verbal Learning Disorder (NLD, or NLVD). Up
until last year, I hadn’t even heard of it. It has some similarities to
Asperger’s Syndrome, with some differences.
I think one of the most difficult things has to be my social
issues. I have a difficult time with eye contact, and I have a hard time
understanding body language and tone of voice.
For many years, I had done so many stupid things socially,
that I kind of just closed in on myself. I didn’t reach out much because I
couldn’t trust myself in situations where I had to interact with people. I
would play it as safe as possible. And, at times where I was interacting with
others, while they may not have noticed, I was extremely anxious the entire
time.
At this point after being diagnosed, I am seeing a counselor
who helps me with almost every aspect of my life-such as socialization,
organization, staying focused, being confident in myself, and even becoming
healthier. She has been such a help to me so far. One of the biggest things
I’ve learned from her is that the only way I can get better at things is to just
do them.
I have to constantly remind myself that things aren’t as bad
as they seem. Then, I have to hold my breath and just jump in-no matter how
terrified I am. Sure, you’re going to make mistakes and do stupid things, but
you can’t stop living!
For the longest time, I did do that, unfortunately. I became
a whisp of dandelion that was just floating along for no good reason. Yet,
maybe the floating along was just what I needed for a while. The floating
eventually led me to a place where I could plant my roots and grow. The only
way to grow is to take risks and learn.
I’m going to make a lot of mistakes. Some people are going
to misjudge me. That is just the way it is.
Yet, it’s such a comfort to me to know that God has been
there with me every step of the way. I don’t know where I’d be without Him. He
has blessed me with an amazing family and friends. He’s given me hope and
strength where others can’t. He’s also given me the ability to reach out to others
to help them.
While life isn’t easy for me, (or anyone for that matter) it’s
important to realize the good that you can do for others from your
experiences. It’s my prayer that maybe, just maybe, my words and experience can
be an inspiration or help for someone else. That’s what God put us here for-to
help others and spread His word.
