When They Walk Away...10 Things to Remember

Loving others is hard. Really hard.

But when you love Jesus, that love for others can sometimes come with the price of a broken heart.

When you receive Christ in baptism, it changes everything. And God did promise that it would never, ever be easy. Even more, Jesus warned that following Him might cause problems and division with those we love. (Luke 12:51-53)

One of the hardest things is watching someone who you once shared in that fellowship with, walk away from God.

There are many reasons why someone would choose this path. But the truth is, it is usually always difficult emotionally for everyone involved.

There are people I know, that are dealing with sorting through the emotions of people we love turning from God. There are many questions, many feelings. When you are completely, and utterly convicted of something, and had hopes of an eternal future with a loved one, it can lead to grieving in various degrees. Let's be honest about it: It hurts. Deeply.

Those people may accuse you of not loving or caring for them. They may accuse you of being arrogant, or ignorant. Those people may not know what to say, or how to act around you. You may not know how to act around them. There may be an air of awkwardness and uncertainty.

So, what can we do?


1. LOVE them.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am nothing more than a noisy gong, or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and knowledge, and have great faith to move mountains, but I do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I have, and deliver myself to be burned, but do not have love, I gain absolutely nothing. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not brag or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It is not selfish. It is not easily angered, or keeps a record of wrongs committed. Love does not rejoice in sin, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. It never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:1-8.

When you do interact with them, consider beforehand how you will respond to them. Do not allow your emotions to explode to where you hurt things more than help. And that leads us to the next point.

2. Listen, and empathize.

"...Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger..." (James 1:19.)


Empathy is all about putting yourself in the shoes of the other person. It is about showing the other person that you care about how they feel, and that you are trying to understand them. You also make it clear that you do not want to do anything to be cruel or hurt them. It is saying, "You are telling me you feel this way because this, this, and this. I can see why you would feel the way you would in your situation. I don't agree, but I get it."

This can a long way. Most people don't necessarily think you have to agree with them. They just want to know that they are being heard, and understood. It can be easy to get angry, and allow your emotions to control your tongue. Too easy. Trying and putting forth the effort to understand, even when you don't necessarily agree, can be incredibly helpful. This is another way of showing love.

3. Be Ready to Give a Defense

Going off of the last one, be ready to explain why you are standing where you do. The person may tell you they do not want to discuss it, and you may need to respect that. However, if they ask, or if you feel like it is appropriate to do so, be ready with a response as to why you believe the way you do. Be ready to explain from scripture why you cannot support what they are doing. Be sure to give your defense in a respectful manner, and avoid being accusatory and hateful. Use "I" messages.

"I believe this way because God is the ultimate authority in my life. I believe that He is the ultimate authority on right and wrong."

"I believe because I have seen God work in my life. I believe because I see His hand in creation."

"I cannot condone what you are doing, and I cannot stop you, and respect that this is your decision. But I cannot go along with it because God has convicted me that this situation is not right."

4. Be the Example

Keep striving to be more like Christ everyday. Be salt and light (Matt. 5:13-16). Christians are meant to stand out. People who are of the world don't understand us, and that's kind of the point. We are completely bizarre to them. (1 Peter 4:4)

If you face a potentially heated situation with a loved one who has walked away from God, remember who you are. You are God's child, beloved one, representative of God. Handle yourself in such a way that becomes a child of God. Be kind, but be unashamed of who God has called you to be. Remember that despite the disagreement between you and this other person, remind yourself that this person is made in the image of God. Remember that God still loves them.

The greatest thing that can win souls for Christ is our love for humanity. Some people just need to be reminded of that love.

5. Seek to Encourage

Whenever you can, be quick to tell them things that you appreciate about them. Seek to build up and encourage. Everyone needs to hear a little positivity. (Eph. 4:29) Since everyone is made in the image of God, as stated before, we have to remember that there IS good in everyone. Many cannot see it themselves, and many need to be reminded of that goodness.

Also, don't gossip about them. Don't be going around to anybody and everybody and saying nasty things about them. Asking people to pray for them is one thing. However, if the conversations take a turn where you are talking about their personal business, calling them nasty, horrible, or something along those lines, you've CROSSED a line. (Remember, according to God's standards, we are kind of horrible too.)

 The more we build up in our minds and hearts that they as a person are to be abhorred, the more we will refuse to see the good in them. When we do not see the goodness in them, and their potential for what God wants for them, the less we will want to reach out to love and help them.

6. Prayer

PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!

1st Timothy 2:1 says, "First of all then, I urge that supplications, prayers, thanksgivings, and intercessions be made for all people...."

We must pray for everyone. God has commanded us to pray for all people. Do not neglect nor forget the importance and power prayer can have.

7. Stand Your Ground. 

As stated previously, Christians make no sense to the world. We are peculiar to those who don't believe. It takes a lot of strength to stand before loved ones who have denied God and still hold firm, no matter the consequences. As shown above, you can still be loving and kind while not backing down from what God has called you to be. 

Just remember: Even if the people you love are not happy with you for doing what is right, remember that God is happy with you. (Acts 5:19, Revelation 2:10, Matthew 5:10-12)

8. Surround Yourself With Your Brothers and Sisters in Christ

The Church is a family. We need one another. When we are hurting, and struggling, there is no one better to go to than our spiritual brethren. (Romans 10:12-13, Hebrews 10:24-25, 2 Corinthians 6:14)

9. Put Your Spiritual Health First

Sometimes, you need to separate. When the pain gets to be too much, it can effect you negatively emotionally, sometimes physically, and as well as spiritually. Seeing a loved one walk away is incredibly painful, more than can be described. That can have an incredibly negative impact on your spiritual life. Sometimes, having some separation and focusing more on your spiritual life is a very wise thing to do. Pray. Mourn. Throw yourself into serving more. Spend more time with the Saints. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, but do not let it destroy you. God will help you.

It will more than likely never feel 'okay', but remember that it will all be okay in one way or another. God will eventually wipe away all tears. (Revelation 21:4)

10. Remember, their decision is their own.

You cannot control what others do. You have to learn that you have to let others be who they choose to be. You can only control what you do, and how you react to things. As God allows free-will, we need to allow the same for others.

One of my favorite stories in all of scripture is that of the Prodigal Son. (Luke 15:11-32) In this story, we have a beautiful picture of God and His love for His children. In the story, the Father relents and lets his son go, when he selfishly demands his inheritance. The son runs off doing who knows what, and spends all of his inheritance. Well, after a while, the son loses everything and ends up feeding pigs to make ends meet. He realizes that he had sunken so low, and that his only option is to go home and beg for forgiveness from his father. He decides to lower himself to the level of a servant.

This is my favorite part of the story. The father had been waiting and watching for his son. He had let his son go and live how he wanted, but he longed for the day he would return. When he saw his son was coming back, he got so excited. He RAN out to meet him with a kiss and an embrace. He didn't ask his son to grovel. He was just so overjoyed that the son came home. The father knew the son had learned his wrong, and did not hold it against him. He celebrated the return of his child.

So as God does. This is why prayer on behalf of these loved ones is so important. As long as they are alive, there is hope. As long as they are alive, they have a chance to get right with God again. Life is a journey, and people take different ones.

In the end, whatever you do, do not give up hope.