Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband:

If you get down on one knee, it is because you fit the qualities I have been looking for. I am not wanting perfection, but there are things I expect.

If you make it to this point, it will be because you respected me. When I set physical boundaries, you didn’t manipulate me to go further. I trusted that you would encourage purity for both of us. And you did.

If I say yes, it is because you will be the spiritual leader I need. I want and need you to pray with me. I  need you to pray for me. I want you and need you to study God's word with me. When we have children, I want to know that you will show them God's love. I need to know that you will lead us to Christ.

If my parents walk me down the aisle, it will be because you respected and loved them. They helped shape me into the woman I am today. They taught me about God, and encouraged me. 

If you disrespect your parents (especially your Mom), I will wonder if you will respect me.  Family conflicts are inevitable, but I know you will handle them in a Godly way. 

If I vow to submit to you as the spiritual leader of our home, it will be because I trust that you will love and respect me. If issues arise, I can trust that you will work them out with me. I can trust you won’t walk away from me when problems do come up. You have held my hands. You held me close during difficult times. You never belittled me for my feelings. You were honest in telling me that you disagree; but you never made me feel like I couldn’t open up to you.

Lastly, if I say ‘I Do’, it is because I can see, with your whole heart, that you love God.  I can see it in the way that you worship God. I can see it in the way you treat other people. I can see it in the way you realize you have made mistakes, and try to make it right. I can see it in the way God rules every part of your life.

In the end, what I want is a spiritual leader, best friend, confidante, and lover. I believe this is what God intended for marriage. I know that while it won’t be perfect, I will know I have found the love of my life.

Much love,

Chelsea

End of Year Thoughts Part 4: A Little More About Love

1. Find Someone You could Love for Who they are-not who they could be.

This is most important. I think both of us, me and my ex, idealized each other. I couldn’t live up to what he was looking for. I realized too, that he wasn’t what I wanted either.

The greatest lie you can tell yourself is that there is no one else. No two people will ever be a completely perfect fit--but, that doesn't mean you should settle.  Be honest with yourself about everyone that you date.

I didn’t think I could change my ex. Yet, I saw things  in the beginning in the relationship that made me think he wanted to change. He thought the same of me.

Lesson: don’t stay with someone just because of who you think they might be later. That is incredibly dangerous territory. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes a crash and burn to remind you what is right. 

2. Find Someone Who Is on the Same Page as You in Regards to Spiritual Matters and the Future.

Spiritually we were not on the same page. His morals did not align with mine. I was so focused on avoiding conflict and keeping the peace that I wouldn’t stand up for what I believed. It led me to allow things I never should have.

Find someone who will encourage your dreams; not someone who will tell you they are pointless or unattainable. Find someone who is willing to go through the journey of life with you. This isn’t to say that hobbies or interests need to be exactly the same. (I want my doll collecting and scrapbooking to be my thing.) Yet, It would be cool to find someone that shares my interest for things like books and the arts.

I also want to say that our ideals for a family didn’t align that well either. There were  aspects of having a family that were important to me. He was not interested or didn't agree with them. There were a few things about raising children that would have been a huge issue later. 

3. Lastly, Guard Your Heart.

It is so easy to lose your mind with someone you have attraction to. Infatuation can be powerful, as I have found. Whenever the time comes again, I am going to pray that my heart won’t become so enamored by them. I want to be able to give myself as clear a head as possible to make the best decision for both of us.

As Christians, the main relationship we must focus on is our relationship with God. Even when you get the guy, God should always come first.

A true man of God will treat you in the way you should be treated, and love you the way you should be loved. He will pray for you and with you. He will want to praise God with you. He will be eagerly willing to study God’s word with you. He will push you to be the best Christian you can be, as you do the same for Him! (1st Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25)

Next Article: End of  Year Thoughts Part Five: Life