Is Self-Esteem Really a Sin?

I have seen a lot of people in the religious world talking about whether good self-esteem is a sin, and if it keeps us from trusting in God. Many are saying it does, but I have to say I disagree with that notion.

I think people are under the impression that self-esteem=being full of one's self. Here's the thing: Self-esteem is one of those very good things that, if taken too far can lead to sin, just like anything else in this world.

One thing that we tend to have as an unspoken rule, however well-intentioned, is that loving oneself is a negative thing. To love oneself means that you aren't putting others first, that you're selfish, etc.

However, I have observed that this idea causes more harm than good.

Here is why Self-Esteem is actually a very biblical concept.

Self-esteem for a Christian is a tool. We have to believe in ourselves and the abilities that God has given us. If we don't believe in them, we become afraid of them, never grow, and we cannot be used for God's glory. Healthy self-esteem for a Christian is believing in your God-given abilities enough to actually use them (as God wants us to do), but also realizing that you are imperfect and that you need to rely on God for the things you can't do. Do what you can with all your might, and with confidence, and let God handle the rest.

Also, it has been shown that time and time again, when someone has a terrible self-concept of themselves, or self-esteem, they tend to get into the worse situations in life. It can lead to unhealthy, toxic, and even abusive relationships.

There is nothing wrong with seeing ourselves with love. In fact, it is a healthy thing to do. Let me use this as an example: if you feel bad about yourself for whatever reason, a loved one does what? They tell you that they love you, and that they good they see in you. Why do we do that for one another? We do this because we want to encourage them and have the hope that maybe they could see themselves more as we do!

Same as with God. All throughout scripture, God speaks through many men about His love for his children, both men and women. Some of the words used to refer to His children are:

-Royal priesthood/royalty (1 Peter 1:29)
-Sons and Daughters (2nd Corinthians 6:18, 1 John 3:1)
-His heirs (Romans 8:17-19)
-Recipients of His blessings (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:32)
-New creations (2 Corinthians 5:17)
-More precious than animals (Matthew 10:29-31)
-His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)
-Protected and cared for (Romans 8:38-39, Deuteronomy 31:8, Joshua 1:9, Proverbs 18:10)
-A treasure (Exodus 19:5-I know this is referring to the Children of Israel in this instance, but I think it is safe to say, based on the love shown to us through the New Testament from God as well, that He still feels this way about His children)
-Loved by Him (Romans 8:38-39)
-Forgiven (1 John 1:9)


These (as well as others) are ways that God sees us. Based on what is seen here, there is absolutely no doubt of His love for us. I firmly believe that He tells us these things over and over for the same reason that our earthly loved ones do, because He wants us to see ourselves as HE sees us!

We are imperfect beings, yet loved by the incredible, almighty God.

See, healthy self-esteem founded in humility and awe for God's love is how it starts.

When you begin to see yourself more as God sees you, you strive take better care of yourself, and yes make yourself a priority (but not the ultimate priority. Don't misunderstand). People who have horrible self esteem are exactly the types that attract toxic and/or abusive relationships into their lives (romantic or even platonic). I am not saying that it is your fault. You having brokenness (like anyone else) is absolutely no reason for anyone to mistreat you. A person who truly loves God, cares for you, and sees your brokenness is not going to take advantage of you in that way. Remember that. But it is important to be aware of how often people with these issues attract manipulative, narcissistic, and unhealthy individuals over and over again.


When you first bask in God's love, and then in turn, start to love yourself and treat yourself in a way that is more how God and your loved ones treat/see you, the more you can recognize danger signs in other people. When you are with someone who mistreats you, you will be better at recognizing when they are doing it, so that you can deal with it in a healthy way. The problem with low self esteem is that, when you talk to yourself and treat yourself badly, you may not recognize when someone else is mistreating you until it is too late.

This is one method Satan uses and uses a lot. He makes us doubt God's love; the love of our loved ones. He makes us doubt our God-given abilities, and our worth. And when we doubt those things, we retreat into ourselves. We become a empty vessel that cannot be used. These are all lies that he whispers into our ears. Just as it says, he is the father of lies (John 8:44).

Satan, quite literally, sits on a throne of lies.

This is why having a healthy sense of self, and self esteem is so important. It allows us to put up healthy boundaries with other people. Recently, I have been reading through the book Boundaries by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend (and I highly recommend it, by the way.) One of the biggest things that has stuck with me from this book that if we do not have healthy boundaries in our Christian walk, we can become bitter. God wants us to serve in joy, not allow others to take advantage of us. If we are giving so much to the point of coming resentful, instead of doing things because we want to, we have completely missed the point of generosity and love. We cannot adequately pour our hearts into others if we do not also pour into ourselves.

When we read the verse "Love others as yourself" (Matthew 22:39) I think we often ignore where it says "yourself". Yes, we have to love ourselves. Think about it: he says to love others as we love ourselves. If we think extremely poorly of ourselves, can we truly be what we need to be for other people? A light?

I believe young women, before they ever start dating, need to be taught to be sure of themselves and who they are. They should be raised to take good care of themselves, be taught to love themselves, and see themselves as God does, imperfect yet wholly beautiful. They must be taught that their mind, voice, body, soul, and heart matter and be confident in that fact. They need to realize that they are precious in the sight of God, and that they are daughters of the one true King, members of a heavenly kingdom, heirs of promise. They must be convicted, confident, yet also humbled by this fact. This will bring about healthy self-esteem, and lead to better choices in their life and relationships.

I say this because I have been there. I once dated a man and stayed with him despite the fact that we were toxic and unhealthy for one another. Yet, I was so desperate to be loved and accepted by a man that I stayed with him, believing that I couldn't do any better for myself. My lack of healthy self-esteem back then led to many problems and many sins. Staying with that man by my own choice did more damage to my spiritual life than I realized at the time, and it has taken a while to find myself again.

But, through it, I was taken on a journey that made me stronger and more sure of who I was. I began to see myself in a healthier light, and started to give myself a little more grace for my imperfections, as I know God does. While I will never be perfect, I know I am in a better place than I was before.

So, in this regard, I have to say that healthy self-esteem is a beautiful, God-given and wholesome thing. Please. Go find it, and treat yourself kindly.

The Chasm of Political Idolatry

Lately I have been feeling heart hurt, sad, and concerned about an issue I am seeing.

Sometimes I fear the divisiveness of American politics has been creeping into the body of Christ. It scares me. I am going to be honest and say that I fear it being something that will eventually cause a major division, and it probably is already doing so.

I see posts on social media from Christians making sweeping, and insulting statements about the party opposite them. And all I can think of are the incredible, God-fearing, and loving people on either side of those party lines whom I look up to, and the things they do for the Kingdom of God.

Our absolute FIRST priority, as Christians is to Christ and His church. One of the things that I have come to love about the body of Christ as I have grown is how much love there is despite different backgrounds, cultures, and ideals.

However, there is a chasm opening up, and I am not sure why people aren't seeing it. And I wonder how much it will become our undoing.

The obsession with Republican-Democratic politics is permeating everything, it seems. People hold so fast their parties and political ideals. They equate THEIR party, THEIR way of thinking as the only way, and woe to anyone who dare disagree with them about how to run an earthly nation.

One question I want to ask is this: as tightly as you are holding on to your political ideals, are you holding onto Christ even harder? Are you allowing the law of God's love to falter in the name of Politics? Are you weighing each careless word about someone who disagrees with you? Do you realize the power of those words and what they can do? (James 3:6)

The only WAY, ladies and gentlemen, is Christ. Everything else after that greatly pales in comparison.

Let me get even more honest here.

The way our economy is run is not going to matter in heaven. God has promised His followers that He would take care of and provide for them, no matter their circumstance. And that should be our main focus. You don't need to have massive amounts of stuff or money to do that. Then, we as the Church use those blessings to help others. If you get super worried about what the economy is going to do under so and so, I think you may be hanging your hope on people instead of God. (Matthew 6:25-34, Luke 12:22-32)

A wall is a wall. Defense is defense. There are many reasons why either side supports or doesn't support the wall. I'm not going to debate those points here. However, I am going to say this: security and defense, like the economy is earthly. There are so many ways to go about doing that, and wall or no, we can still have really good national defense.

 If we become so laser focused on that one point about why we should or should not have one, and allow our OPINIONS of that to cause strife within the body of Christ, then we seriously need to step back and consider our priorities. Is national security important? Absolutely, not saying it isn't. However, if that ideal becomes greater than our evangelism and care for our fellow brothers and sisters, and even those in the world, then I'd say you'd have a problem there.

I could go on and on about various political beliefs, but I think you get the picture.

As Christians, we need to exercise great wisdom. In a world where Satan is using Politics to divide, you better believe he is going to try and use the same tactic in the Church! And why wouldn't he? When you want to destroy a community or a relationship, you look for weak points, fissures, disagreements and amplify them, until they implode. Disagreements saddled with pride and ego are one of the quickest routes to destruction.

Be wise about what  you say or choose to involve yourself in. The world is watching us. If, within the church, we allow our political ideologies to wound and divide one another, we are making politics our idol. It is a dangerous game to try and fuse man-made ideals and market them as God's law. It is adding to the word of God, which we are implicitly commanded not to do. (Deuteronomy 4:2, Revelation 22:18-19) Anytime we do this, we cheapen God's word, and in turn, makes His church look like a joke to those on the outside. Why in the world would people want to join something that is just as divided and hateful as the world around them? And, more importantly, how do you think that makes Jesus feel when the name of His bride is marred in such a way?

"Love one another, for love is of God. He who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God. For God is love." (1 John 4:7-8).


 We have to be careful of the messages we send to the world. As much as it depends on you, do NOT be the reason someone chooses to refuse God.

Don't misunderstand. It is not wrong to have opinions. We all have them. But if we allow those opinions to cause us to say or do things that could cause divisions within the body of Christ, we have crossed a huge line. (John 17:21, 1 Corinthians 1:10-17) May God give us wisdom to always strive for our words and our actions to better lead others to the love God wants to share with them. Close the gap, cross that bridge, and be a light in a world where division is so prominent.

Top Lessons I have Learned in 2018

2018 has been a good year for me. Stressful, yes, but a good one. I graduated from Freed-Hardeman University with a B.S. in Child and Family Studies. I still have not found a job where I'm using this degree yet. Yet I am hoping and working that this will definitely change in 2019. 

I have also been working my first two post-college jobs. One via a senior caregiving service, and the other via Bath and Body Works as a seasonal job. 

Also, this year, I also got some help from some life and love coaches, and boy, have they taught me a lot so far! I will share some small tidbits that I have learned from them that are making a huge impact on my life at the moment.

I have learned quite a few things from these jobs, as well as other situations in my life that I would like to share.

1. If you keep finding yourself in the same situation over and over again, maybe it's time to take responsibility for your hand in the situation, and make changes!

This is one of the biggest things I learned from coaches this year. Let me clarify. Taking responsibility for yourself and your part in situations, does NOT take away the actions of another individual. People have a choice to hurt you, a choice to abandon you; they also have a choice to love you, to be gracious to you as well. Yet, you have more power than you think to rise above and walk away from unhealthy situations. And, with a lot of self reflection, you can figure out why it happened, how to recognize it, and how to prevent it.

I did a lot of inner work in myself recently. There were quite a few situations in my life that wouldn't change. They kept repeating themselves over and over again. It was frustrating. So, I realized I needed help. My coaches helped me see that my past, and things inside myself, led to these patterns in my choices and life. And now, I am making plans to change how I approach these situations in the future.

Bad things are going to happen to us; that is how it happens in this life. But we don't have have to always stand by and allow ourselves to be hit in the face by the same thing over and over again. We have the power in our hands to change and recognize things that led to continuous bad outcomes. Then we walk away; even if it means sobbing, or even crawling away. But we run away, and close that door behind us. We know that we are going to choose healthier things for ourselves in the future.

2. It is MORE than okay to take care of yourself!

We get so into our jobs, taking care of our families, that we often forget about self-care. Self-care goes beyond just getting up and taking a shower, and putting on makeup everyday. It is making choices to benefit YOU, mind, body, and soul. This could be taking at least five minutes everyday to do something that brings your heart joy.

Spend time everyday alone in prayer, and in God's word.

Call up a best friend and talk for a few minutes.

Invest in financial wellness classes, self-help books, gym memberships, or something to help you better your life in some way. Keep growing and bettering yourself.

Count your blessings. Listen to your favorite music.

Setting better boundaries with others.

Reading this article could possibly count.

Looking in the mirror and praising the good that is in yourself.

The truth is, when we invest in better self care, we can be better for others. When we fail to take care of ourselves, we can find ourselves resenting others, being drained of energy doing for others, and may find ourselves lacking in joy.

My lovely sweet lady, God never meant for you to mistreat yourself just so you can build others up. The truth is, when we build ourselves up, the better we can build up others.

3. Patience is a Virtue

I honestly feel like I have to keep learning this over and over again. There are certain things I am very patient with, and then there are things that drive me really crazy. For instance...

LIFE.

I always get so stressed waiting for certain things and it drives me into oblivion. It has been a lesson that I have to learn over and over that, things will happen on God's timing, not mine. Somehow, I feel as if it is that way for a lot of us.

I can be an incredibly stubborn and hardheaded individual. I tend to try to go headfirst into certain things, and forget that there are, in fact, logistical things to consider.

So, things are not going to happen the way I want them to every time. And that is okay, and I have to remind myself of everything I can control, what I cannot. I  can control me, and I can control my decisions. But I cannot control the passage of time, other people, outside/natural circumstances....and most importantly, God.

4. Boundaries

The past couple years, something I have been working on is establishing better boundaries. I still am learning more about them, and am planning to read the book Boundaries this year. But one start I have been making in that regard is to not let people walk all over me. If someone says or does something that really bothers me, then I politely ask them to stop. If they do it again, but I know they are working on it, I will gently remind them that I do not appreciate what they are doing.

For a long time I had this idea in my mind that standing up for myself was somehow rude, and would make me a bother to the other person. However, the truth of the matter was, it was only making me die a little on the inside.

Along this line, I had also gotten into a habit of apologizing too much. I recently realized that, once is enough. There was an issue that I had at work recently. I had gotten sick on my shift and was not able to complete my duties as I was supposed to. The lady that came in after me is a bit of a difficult woman. I explained to her the situation, and I apologized. She was furious with me, and I realized that there was nothing I could do to change that situation. So, I did not apologize again because there was no need to. People have different situations going on in their lives, and are at different stages of growth. The lady knew the situation, and I let her know that I felt bad about the situation, and that was enough. Nothing I could say or do was going to change how she reacted to it.

So, when I left, I was kind to her by wishing her a good day, and let it be. And then I decided to not let it get to me.



I have really enjoyed the past few years getting to the end and looking back on how I have grown and changed within a year's time. These were some good, and helpful lessons and things I have learned this year, and I hope it helps you as well.

Here is to 2019. I pray that you will have a year of growth, learning, and God's blessings upon you this year.

https://dailysmscollection.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/happy-new-year-images-2019-gif-.gif

Why You Might Not Be as Unprejudiced as you Think...

When prejudice is brought up, it is often done so when talking about racial prejudice. But there
are other forms of prejudice to consider. And, often times, they may cause more issues in our
Christian walk than we may think.

Prejudice is defined by dictionary.com in these ways:
1. An unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand without knowledge, thought, or reason.
2. Any preconceived feeling or notion, favorable or unfavorable.
3. Unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of a hostile nature, regarding an
ethnic, racial, social, or religious group.

So, it is not just race or ethnicity that falls under Prejudicial idea. When it comes down to it, every single
one of us has some kind of prejudice or bias.

Before I name any specifics, I really ask you to consider this question: How would it make you feel about
people lumping you together with groups like Westboro Baptist or others like it? A good majority of us,
cannot stand that group for obvious reasons. Nobody likes having assumptions made about them, right? I
am pretty sure that the Golden Rule applies here as well. (Luke 6:31)

However, a good number of us do the exact same thing to various groups all the time.

Here some other examples that I have heard:
-"Everyone who goes to that school are complete jerks."
-"Liberals are stupid and unintelligent." (Or, Libtards. Seriously. Stop using that term. Nothing Christian-like about it."
-"Conservatives are uncaring and unfeeling."
-"All homosexuals are pedophiles and don't know the meaning of monogamous."
-"Islam is such a hateful religion. Their book is so full of hate, they must be too!"
-"ALL of the immigrants in the caravan obviously don't care about becoming citizens. They just want to take over our country and drain our assets!"
-"Homeless people need to stop being lazy, stop drinking, and get a job!"
-"Strippers and prostitutes are disgusting human beings."
-"Men only care about sex. They are such pigs."
-"She dresses so trashy. She must be a slut."

You get the point. You can probably think of more, but these are all examples of prejudice and bias.

I am not denying that based on scripture, some of these people are not in accordance with scripture. However, we are seriously going to hurt the spread of the Gospel by making assumptions about people.
Why would anyone listen to us if we show that we have great disdain and false ideas about them?

Would you want to listen to someone who made false accusations and assumptions about you? Of course not!

Have you ever tried to get to know these individuals and see the heart of who they are? The more we make assumptions about who people are, the more we will carry disdain for them, and not want to give the Gospel to them.

Christianity is not meant to be lived in a bubble! We have to stop hiding behind fear of the unknown. I think that is where a lot of bias and prejudice come from. It is so much easier to live in ignorance, and safer not to take the chance to share God's love with those who are completely different from us.

You never know what people are going through, and what kind of experiences they have had. As an example, when you see an immodestly dressed woman, consider that she doesn't know God. Consider that she doesn't realize that there is God who loves her, and wants to free her from the obsession with her body or appearance. Or the young teenage woman who is pregnant, and has no one to support her. She is being pressured to abort, and has no loving church family to rally around her. How do you know that the homeless man is a druggie, or alcoholic? What does it hurt to buy him a meal, give him water, or socks?

You just don't know. We are not called to lives of comfort and ignorance. We are called to step over lines to meet people where they are and give them the Gospel.

Peter, while he was a powerhouse apostle, struggled with prejudice toward the Gentiles. (Acts 10:9-48, Galatians 2:11-19.) Paul actually called him out once at a feast where Christians gathered together. Peter feared judgment of the Jewish born Christians, and refused to eat with the Gentile Christians. So, even Peter struggled with this. As Christians, we must learn what our personal biases and prejudices are so we can overcome them and give the Gospel to more people, as God has called for us to do.

Remember this as you go about your day:
Everyone has a soul.
Everyone needs God.
Everyone has a story you know nothing about.

Pretty, Cute and Modest Halloween Costumes, 2018

I love Halloween, and dressing up! I especially love very pretty, and feminine costumes. In this article, I hope to give some various ideas for every taste. I have been frustrated in the past trying to find pretty costumes that where actually modest. So, here are some ideas!

Disney

Walmart.com

Elsa

This first costume is of course, Elsa from Frozen. I love this costume for a number of reasons. One, It's Elsa. Two, it's beautiful and sparkly. Three, I appreciate that the slit doesn't go up too high. One of my suggestions for this dress is to make sure to wear a strapless bra or a bra with transparent straps with the illusion neckline.

You can get it here:

https://tinyurl.com/ycw7b8ar

torrid.com

Minnie Mouse

Minnie mouse is one of most iconic animated characters in history. Also, a Minnie mouse costume is incredibly easy and oftentimes inexpensive to do. All it takes is a vintage red and white polka dot skirt or dress, and mouse ears with a bow. I really like this one above because the dress is super cute and can be worn again for other occasions other than Halloween. 

Get the dress and mouse ears here:
Dress: https://tinyurl.com/y7w9tfrk

Mouse ears: https://tinyurl.com/y7duprqb

amazon.com

Sally Stitches

For those who want to get in touch with their spooky Disney side, there is the costume of Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas. I absolutely LOVE this movie, as it is so weird and wonderfully creative. Sally is a great choice to dress up as if you are wanting a spooky costume that is a little more covered up.

Get it here:

https://tinyurl.com/ya82tyqv

Literary/Movie Characters

Ebay

Amazon.com

Alice (Alice in Wonderland)

I love Alice in Wonderland, and both of these costumes are super cute. The top one is more traditional, while the bottom has an edgier take on Alice. Both of them capture the essence of Alice, while still staying more covered up. 

Top costume: https://tinyurl.com/y9n5gsqx

Bottom: https://tinyurl.com/y7thw4nr

amazon.com

Glinda The Good Witch-The Wizard of Oz

I am still waiting for a costume based off of Glinda (or, GA-linda) from the Wicked stage show. But until that day comes, the original from The Wizard of Oz movie is still incredibly pretty. I mean, come on. This costume is pink and sparkly. It has a butterfly and a beautiful neckline. To put it frankly, this costume is beautiful.

Get it here: https://tinyurl.com/yaly4y9t

amazon.com

Dorothy

This costume is adorable. Seriously. If you are wanting to be more modest for Halloween, it is hard to go wrong with a Dorothy costume. 

Get it here: https://tinyurl.com/y8c4rvk5

amazon.com

Cheshire Cat

The great part of Halloween is that it is a perfectly acceptable excuse to not be all there. (See what I did there?) Dressing up as the Cheshire Cat is a great way to do this. This costume is incredibly adorable and fun. (I love the fuzzy paw gloves!!!) You'll probably be grinning all night.

Get it here: https://tinyurl.com/ydhmmqdq

Cultural/Historical

https://www.thebeautyinsiders.com/25-best-cool-and-scary-halloween-makeup-looks-of-2014.html

Dios De Las Muertos Sugar Skull

A few years ago for Halloween, I actually painted half of my face in a sugar skull makeup. For a little background, Dios De Las Muertos (or, Day of The Dead) is a holiday mainly celebrated in Mexico. This holiday is about celebrating and honoring the former lives of loved ones who have passed away. To me, I find it to be so beautiful how the Mexican Culture honors their dead loved ones. They tend to bring items and foods enjoyed in life to the gravesides. They also decorate the graves with marigold flowers. Sugar skulls are a candy that is common to have on this day, and many like to paint their faces based on these beautiful candies. 

When I did this makeup for Halloween, I bought Halloween makeup from the store, and I wore a black shirt, a long black tiered skirt, and flowers in my hair.

Me, Halloween 2015

amazon.com

50's Poodle Skirt

I absolutely adore the fashion styles of the 1950s. The dresses were so classy and beautiful. The poodle skirt costumes have been done a lot, but an incredibly good and cute choice if you are wanting something more modest. 

Get it here: https://tinyurl.com/yclzax95 

partycity.com

Cleopatra/Nefertiti/Isis

If you enjoy history and/or mythology, this costume could be a good choice. Not just for an ancient Egyptian costume, but costumes based in ancient Greece for Athena and others are often pretty modest. Many of the biggest problems you may run into may be lower necklines, and higher leg slits, but modest costumes for things like this are pretty easy to find. And, with the lower cut, v-neck ones, often times are easy to layer tanks or camisoles underneath for extra coverage. I think this particular Egyptian one is very pretty and modest. 

Get it here: https://tinyurl.com/y79o3llm

orientaltradiing.com

Juliet Capulet/Renaissance Maid

Costumes styled from the Renaissance are usually a great choice. While you may come across some that definitely emphasize the chest area, most I have found are very modest. They are usually extremely pretty, elegant, and feminine. Also, darker, richer colors in Renaissance dresses could also work well for a vampire costume, if creepy is your thing.

Fantasy/Fun

partycity.com

Fairy

If you know me, you kind of know that I am a little obsessed (okay, REALLY obsessed) with fairies/faeries. Fairy costumes are pretty easy to put together. If you buy wings, you can pair them with a matching dress. If you are wearing a hi-low or knee length dress, try pairing it with striped stockings for a fun look.

buycostumes.com

Funky Skeleton Costume

If you want a costume that is funky, but also fits the bill for slightly creepy, something like this would be perfect. I love the bright colors of the tutu and the skeleton against the black. I think if you wore a large neon bow in your hair, that would be absolutely perfect.

Get it here: https://tinyurl.com/y7pmx9eu

Torrid.com

Witch

I absolutely love this particular witch costume! It has a black illusion neckline and sleeves, a sparkly knee-length skirt, and belted at the waist. It has a really cute vintage flair. If you want to get in touch with your magical side, this witch costume is a great choice!  A witch is also a fairly inexpensive costume to do as well, even if you do not get this one. In 2016, I wore I blue and black dress I already owned, and bought a cute little witch hat headband, and did a spiderweb makeup with an eyeliner pen and green eyeshadow.

Halloween 2016



These are just some of my favorite ideas for Halloween costumes that are cute, fun, and modest. What ideas do you have for modest costumes???? Feel free to share them with me below in the comments!

When They Walk Away...10 Things to Remember

Loving others is hard. Really hard.

But when you love Jesus, that love for others can sometimes come with the price of a broken heart.

When you receive Christ in baptism, it changes everything. And God did promise that it would never, ever be easy. Even more, Jesus warned that following Him might cause problems and division with those we love. (Luke 12:51-53)

One of the hardest things is watching someone who you once shared in that fellowship with, walk away from God.

There are many reasons why someone would choose this path. But the truth is, it is usually always difficult emotionally for everyone involved.

There are people I know, that are dealing with sorting through the emotions of people we love turning from God. There are many questions, many feelings. When you are completely, and utterly convicted of something, and had hopes of an eternal future with a loved one, it can lead to grieving in various degrees. Let's be honest about it: It hurts. Deeply.

Those people may accuse you of not loving or caring for them. They may accuse you of being arrogant, or ignorant. Those people may not know what to say, or how to act around you. You may not know how to act around them. There may be an air of awkwardness and uncertainty.

So, what can we do?


1. LOVE them.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am nothing more than a noisy gong, or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and knowledge, and have great faith to move mountains, but I do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I have, and deliver myself to be burned, but do not have love, I gain absolutely nothing. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not brag or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It is not selfish. It is not easily angered, or keeps a record of wrongs committed. Love does not rejoice in sin, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. It never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:1-8.

When you do interact with them, consider beforehand how you will respond to them. Do not allow your emotions to explode to where you hurt things more than help. And that leads us to the next point.

2. Listen, and empathize.

"...Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger..." (James 1:19.)


Empathy is all about putting yourself in the shoes of the other person. It is about showing the other person that you care about how they feel, and that you are trying to understand them. You also make it clear that you do not want to do anything to be cruel or hurt them. It is saying, "You are telling me you feel this way because this, this, and this. I can see why you would feel the way you would in your situation. I don't agree, but I get it."

This can a long way. Most people don't necessarily think you have to agree with them. They just want to know that they are being heard, and understood. It can be easy to get angry, and allow your emotions to control your tongue. Too easy. Trying and putting forth the effort to understand, even when you don't necessarily agree, can be incredibly helpful. This is another way of showing love.

3. Be Ready to Give a Defense

Going off of the last one, be ready to explain why you are standing where you do. The person may tell you they do not want to discuss it, and you may need to respect that. However, if they ask, or if you feel like it is appropriate to do so, be ready with a response as to why you believe the way you do. Be ready to explain from scripture why you cannot support what they are doing. Be sure to give your defense in a respectful manner, and avoid being accusatory and hateful. Use "I" messages.

"I believe this way because God is the ultimate authority in my life. I believe that He is the ultimate authority on right and wrong."

"I believe because I have seen God work in my life. I believe because I see His hand in creation."

"I cannot condone what you are doing, and I cannot stop you, and respect that this is your decision. But I cannot go along with it because God has convicted me that this situation is not right."

4. Be the Example

Keep striving to be more like Christ everyday. Be salt and light (Matt. 5:13-16). Christians are meant to stand out. People who are of the world don't understand us, and that's kind of the point. We are completely bizarre to them. (1 Peter 4:4)

If you face a potentially heated situation with a loved one who has walked away from God, remember who you are. You are God's child, beloved one, representative of God. Handle yourself in such a way that becomes a child of God. Be kind, but be unashamed of who God has called you to be. Remember that despite the disagreement between you and this other person, remind yourself that this person is made in the image of God. Remember that God still loves them.

The greatest thing that can win souls for Christ is our love for humanity. Some people just need to be reminded of that love.

5. Seek to Encourage

Whenever you can, be quick to tell them things that you appreciate about them. Seek to build up and encourage. Everyone needs to hear a little positivity. (Eph. 4:29) Since everyone is made in the image of God, as stated before, we have to remember that there IS good in everyone. Many cannot see it themselves, and many need to be reminded of that goodness.

Also, don't gossip about them. Don't be going around to anybody and everybody and saying nasty things about them. Asking people to pray for them is one thing. However, if the conversations take a turn where you are talking about their personal business, calling them nasty, horrible, or something along those lines, you've CROSSED a line. (Remember, according to God's standards, we are kind of horrible too.)

 The more we build up in our minds and hearts that they as a person are to be abhorred, the more we will refuse to see the good in them. When we do not see the goodness in them, and their potential for what God wants for them, the less we will want to reach out to love and help them.

6. Prayer

PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!

1st Timothy 2:1 says, "First of all then, I urge that supplications, prayers, thanksgivings, and intercessions be made for all people...."

We must pray for everyone. God has commanded us to pray for all people. Do not neglect nor forget the importance and power prayer can have.

7. Stand Your Ground. 

As stated previously, Christians make no sense to the world. We are peculiar to those who don't believe. It takes a lot of strength to stand before loved ones who have denied God and still hold firm, no matter the consequences. As shown above, you can still be loving and kind while not backing down from what God has called you to be. 

Just remember: Even if the people you love are not happy with you for doing what is right, remember that God is happy with you. (Acts 5:19, Revelation 2:10, Matthew 5:10-12)

8. Surround Yourself With Your Brothers and Sisters in Christ

The Church is a family. We need one another. When we are hurting, and struggling, there is no one better to go to than our spiritual brethren. (Romans 10:12-13, Hebrews 10:24-25, 2 Corinthians 6:14)

9. Put Your Spiritual Health First

Sometimes, you need to separate. When the pain gets to be too much, it can effect you negatively emotionally, sometimes physically, and as well as spiritually. Seeing a loved one walk away is incredibly painful, more than can be described. That can have an incredibly negative impact on your spiritual life. Sometimes, having some separation and focusing more on your spiritual life is a very wise thing to do. Pray. Mourn. Throw yourself into serving more. Spend more time with the Saints. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, but do not let it destroy you. God will help you.

It will more than likely never feel 'okay', but remember that it will all be okay in one way or another. God will eventually wipe away all tears. (Revelation 21:4)

10. Remember, their decision is their own.

You cannot control what others do. You have to learn that you have to let others be who they choose to be. You can only control what you do, and how you react to things. As God allows free-will, we need to allow the same for others.

One of my favorite stories in all of scripture is that of the Prodigal Son. (Luke 15:11-32) In this story, we have a beautiful picture of God and His love for His children. In the story, the Father relents and lets his son go, when he selfishly demands his inheritance. The son runs off doing who knows what, and spends all of his inheritance. Well, after a while, the son loses everything and ends up feeding pigs to make ends meet. He realizes that he had sunken so low, and that his only option is to go home and beg for forgiveness from his father. He decides to lower himself to the level of a servant.

This is my favorite part of the story. The father had been waiting and watching for his son. He had let his son go and live how he wanted, but he longed for the day he would return. When he saw his son was coming back, he got so excited. He RAN out to meet him with a kiss and an embrace. He didn't ask his son to grovel. He was just so overjoyed that the son came home. The father knew the son had learned his wrong, and did not hold it against him. He celebrated the return of his child.

So as God does. This is why prayer on behalf of these loved ones is so important. As long as they are alive, there is hope. As long as they are alive, they have a chance to get right with God again. Life is a journey, and people take different ones.

In the end, whatever you do, do not give up hope.

Heart of Worship Tuesday: Oceans

In the past few years, a song has touched me like no other. It began as a contemporary worship song penned by Matt Crocker, Joel Houston, and Salomon Ligtelm.

The story behind this song is simply that it is based on the story of Peter in the New Testament walking on the water to Jesus. (Matt. 14:22-33, Mark 6:45-56, John 6:16-24.)

The song contains these words:

You call me out upon the water
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are Mine.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fears surround me
You never fail and You won't start now

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my faith could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior

This song describes the call from God to us to step out in absolute faith. He asks things of us that seem terrifying and impossible at times. Peter asked Jesus if he could come to Him on the water, and Jesus told him to do so. Peter, in absolute faith, stepped onto the water and began to walk! A mere man walked on water!

Granted, he did fall when he took his eyes off of Jesus. But, that is life; yet Peter still had faith that Jesus would save him, which is why he cried out to Him to do so. When we fall, that is EXACTLY what we should do: cry out to Jesus! The song itself is a resolve to choose to keep their "eyes above the waves" and stay focused on Christ. It is to trust that He will never lead us wrong, no matter where it goes.

Then, the song asks the spirit to "lead me where my trust is without borders". This is the kind of faith we should have. Borders denote limits, or even fear. True, fruit producing faith in Christ breaks down these limits and fears we have. As human beings, we often think that we are unable to do something that God asks of us. With God, there is nothing we cannot do, and nothing is impossible. We just have to take a deep breath and let go, and tell God that we will submit to whatever His will is. He knows better than we do, and His plan is so great and vast like the ocean. We just have to walk it and keep our eyes on Him the best that we can.

"What is impossible for man, is possible for God."- Luke 18:27

"...For Truly, I say to you, if you have faith like the grain of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'move from here to there', and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."-Matthew 17:20