Top Lessons I have Learned in 2018

2018 has been a good year for me. Stressful, yes, but a good one. I graduated from Freed-Hardeman University with a B.S. in Child and Family Studies. I still have not found a job where I'm using this degree yet. Yet I am hoping and working that this will definitely change in 2019. 

I have also been working my first two post-college jobs. One via a senior caregiving service, and the other via Bath and Body Works as a seasonal job. 

Also, this year, I also got some help from some life and love coaches, and boy, have they taught me a lot so far! I will share some small tidbits that I have learned from them that are making a huge impact on my life at the moment.

I have learned quite a few things from these jobs, as well as other situations in my life that I would like to share.

1. If you keep finding yourself in the same situation over and over again, maybe it's time to take responsibility for your hand in the situation, and make changes!

This is one of the biggest things I learned from coaches this year. Let me clarify. Taking responsibility for yourself and your part in situations, does NOT take away the actions of another individual. People have a choice to hurt you, a choice to abandon you; they also have a choice to love you, to be gracious to you as well. Yet, you have more power than you think to rise above and walk away from unhealthy situations. And, with a lot of self reflection, you can figure out why it happened, how to recognize it, and how to prevent it.

I did a lot of inner work in myself recently. There were quite a few situations in my life that wouldn't change. They kept repeating themselves over and over again. It was frustrating. So, I realized I needed help. My coaches helped me see that my past, and things inside myself, led to these patterns in my choices and life. And now, I am making plans to change how I approach these situations in the future.

Bad things are going to happen to us; that is how it happens in this life. But we don't have have to always stand by and allow ourselves to be hit in the face by the same thing over and over again. We have the power in our hands to change and recognize things that led to continuous bad outcomes. Then we walk away; even if it means sobbing, or even crawling away. But we run away, and close that door behind us. We know that we are going to choose healthier things for ourselves in the future.

2. It is MORE than okay to take care of yourself!

We get so into our jobs, taking care of our families, that we often forget about self-care. Self-care goes beyond just getting up and taking a shower, and putting on makeup everyday. It is making choices to benefit YOU, mind, body, and soul. This could be taking at least five minutes everyday to do something that brings your heart joy.

Spend time everyday alone in prayer, and in God's word.

Call up a best friend and talk for a few minutes.

Invest in financial wellness classes, self-help books, gym memberships, or something to help you better your life in some way. Keep growing and bettering yourself.

Count your blessings. Listen to your favorite music.

Setting better boundaries with others.

Reading this article could possibly count.

Looking in the mirror and praising the good that is in yourself.

The truth is, when we invest in better self care, we can be better for others. When we fail to take care of ourselves, we can find ourselves resenting others, being drained of energy doing for others, and may find ourselves lacking in joy.

My lovely sweet lady, God never meant for you to mistreat yourself just so you can build others up. The truth is, when we build ourselves up, the better we can build up others.

3. Patience is a Virtue

I honestly feel like I have to keep learning this over and over again. There are certain things I am very patient with, and then there are things that drive me really crazy. For instance...

LIFE.

I always get so stressed waiting for certain things and it drives me into oblivion. It has been a lesson that I have to learn over and over that, things will happen on God's timing, not mine. Somehow, I feel as if it is that way for a lot of us.

I can be an incredibly stubborn and hardheaded individual. I tend to try to go headfirst into certain things, and forget that there are, in fact, logistical things to consider.

So, things are not going to happen the way I want them to every time. And that is okay, and I have to remind myself of everything I can control, what I cannot. I  can control me, and I can control my decisions. But I cannot control the passage of time, other people, outside/natural circumstances....and most importantly, God.

4. Boundaries

The past couple years, something I have been working on is establishing better boundaries. I still am learning more about them, and am planning to read the book Boundaries this year. But one start I have been making in that regard is to not let people walk all over me. If someone says or does something that really bothers me, then I politely ask them to stop. If they do it again, but I know they are working on it, I will gently remind them that I do not appreciate what they are doing.

For a long time I had this idea in my mind that standing up for myself was somehow rude, and would make me a bother to the other person. However, the truth of the matter was, it was only making me die a little on the inside.

Along this line, I had also gotten into a habit of apologizing too much. I recently realized that, once is enough. There was an issue that I had at work recently. I had gotten sick on my shift and was not able to complete my duties as I was supposed to. The lady that came in after me is a bit of a difficult woman. I explained to her the situation, and I apologized. She was furious with me, and I realized that there was nothing I could do to change that situation. So, I did not apologize again because there was no need to. People have different situations going on in their lives, and are at different stages of growth. The lady knew the situation, and I let her know that I felt bad about the situation, and that was enough. Nothing I could say or do was going to change how she reacted to it.

So, when I left, I was kind to her by wishing her a good day, and let it be. And then I decided to not let it get to me.



I have really enjoyed the past few years getting to the end and looking back on how I have grown and changed within a year's time. These were some good, and helpful lessons and things I have learned this year, and I hope it helps you as well.

Here is to 2019. I pray that you will have a year of growth, learning, and God's blessings upon you this year.

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Why You Might Not Be as Unprejudiced as you Think...

When prejudice is brought up, it is often done so when talking about racial prejudice. But there
are other forms of prejudice to consider. And, often times, they may cause more issues in our
Christian walk than we may think.

Prejudice is defined by dictionary.com in these ways:
1. An unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand without knowledge, thought, or reason.
2. Any preconceived feeling or notion, favorable or unfavorable.
3. Unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of a hostile nature, regarding an
ethnic, racial, social, or religious group.

So, it is not just race or ethnicity that falls under Prejudicial idea. When it comes down to it, every single
one of us has some kind of prejudice or bias.

Before I name any specifics, I really ask you to consider this question: How would it make you feel about
people lumping you together with groups like Westboro Baptist or others like it? A good majority of us,
cannot stand that group for obvious reasons. Nobody likes having assumptions made about them, right? I
am pretty sure that the Golden Rule applies here as well. (Luke 6:31)

However, a good number of us do the exact same thing to various groups all the time.

Here some other examples that I have heard:
-"Everyone who goes to that school are complete jerks."
-"Liberals are stupid and unintelligent." (Or, Libtards. Seriously. Stop using that term. Nothing Christian-like about it."
-"Conservatives are uncaring and unfeeling."
-"All homosexuals are pedophiles and don't know the meaning of monogamous."
-"Islam is such a hateful religion. Their book is so full of hate, they must be too!"
-"ALL of the immigrants in the caravan obviously don't care about becoming citizens. They just want to take over our country and drain our assets!"
-"Homeless people need to stop being lazy, stop drinking, and get a job!"
-"Strippers and prostitutes are disgusting human beings."
-"Men only care about sex. They are such pigs."
-"She dresses so trashy. She must be a slut."

You get the point. You can probably think of more, but these are all examples of prejudice and bias.

I am not denying that based on scripture, some of these people are not in accordance with scripture. However, we are seriously going to hurt the spread of the Gospel by making assumptions about people.
Why would anyone listen to us if we show that we have great disdain and false ideas about them?

Would you want to listen to someone who made false accusations and assumptions about you? Of course not!

Have you ever tried to get to know these individuals and see the heart of who they are? The more we make assumptions about who people are, the more we will carry disdain for them, and not want to give the Gospel to them.

Christianity is not meant to be lived in a bubble! We have to stop hiding behind fear of the unknown. I think that is where a lot of bias and prejudice come from. It is so much easier to live in ignorance, and safer not to take the chance to share God's love with those who are completely different from us.

You never know what people are going through, and what kind of experiences they have had. As an example, when you see an immodestly dressed woman, consider that she doesn't know God. Consider that she doesn't realize that there is God who loves her, and wants to free her from the obsession with her body or appearance. Or the young teenage woman who is pregnant, and has no one to support her. She is being pressured to abort, and has no loving church family to rally around her. How do you know that the homeless man is a druggie, or alcoholic? What does it hurt to buy him a meal, give him water, or socks?

You just don't know. We are not called to lives of comfort and ignorance. We are called to step over lines to meet people where they are and give them the Gospel.

Peter, while he was a powerhouse apostle, struggled with prejudice toward the Gentiles. (Acts 10:9-48, Galatians 2:11-19.) Paul actually called him out once at a feast where Christians gathered together. Peter feared judgment of the Jewish born Christians, and refused to eat with the Gentile Christians. So, even Peter struggled with this. As Christians, we must learn what our personal biases and prejudices are so we can overcome them and give the Gospel to more people, as God has called for us to do.

Remember this as you go about your day:
Everyone has a soul.
Everyone needs God.
Everyone has a story you know nothing about.